Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Too Busy!

Maman's first party in her new home
Last week, both Monsieur and I were too busy. Monsieur, because he was reviving a singing group to perform for Canada Day. Me, because I didn't say "no." I had made arrangements long ago to go out with Daughter and friends to Les Misérables. It was fun and I enjoyed spending time with lifetime friends. But I also went to  "Hamlet" at Bard on the Beach ,"Dream Girls", a couple of restaurant lunches,  a Grade 7 farewell, my sister's birthday at my mum's new apartment and a Canada Day party. Too much food, too much wine and too much company is my recipe for disaster!

I am basically a friendly introvert who is easily depleted by too much activity. When I am tired, I can do none of the solitary activities that I enjoy:writing, reading, or sketching. I have my Tour de France stages on PVR but I lack even the energy to watch them. Somehow, at home, with friends and family around me, I find life more difficult. Saying "no" to too many activities and knowing when to listen to my own voice when others are chattering at me is difficult for me. My own voice is never as strong as I would like it to be. But my "shadow voice" can be.

Do you know about Carl Jung's shadow theory?
Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.
I am never sure where this part comes from but it does arise in me sometimes. It is my repressed child self who grew up doing all the little pleasing things but who sometimes wonders "what did this get me and why do I keep doing it?"

Being a "good" mum, wife, daughter, friend, teacher role model (for indeed, all people who work with children are modelling behaviours all the time) is a tall order for any mortal woman. We are cheerful, encouraging, supportive, nurturing, positive...... We learned these roles as little girls and often adopted them without question. Yet, these roles are superficial and it can be scary to see and to explore the shadow.

On a lighter note, I bought a bathing cap to protect my hair colour and a magazine to read at our swimming pool this week. Summer has finally arrived!






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