Turmoil and sadness continue to reign chez nous. My trainer keeps missing our appointments so my attempts at healthy distraction are being thwarted. Monsieur is moving out of his music studio since he could not come to a compromise with the music school next door. The property owners where I live are fighting among themselves and Belle-mère has had a stroke.
Belle-mère has been a good friend to me over the years and when I went through an earlier patch of trouble with Monsieur, I dealt with the issue of continuing our friendship should M. and my relationship fail. She is, however, 94 years old and will not live forever. I know that she would not wish to live a long time with any motor impairment. She was a physical woman who loved to walk along the seawall and vigorously attack the weeds at her Bowen Island summer home.
Since I have been home from Europe, this year, life has been very difficult. As my husband distances from me, my anxiety level increases. Given that Monsieur suffers from a mood disorder, the rough patches come and go. I always have the faith that the man that I love will return.
Today, I will go to church with Maman who is coming more or less willingly. The theme for September is reconciliation and my small group leader has sent us some readings to prepare for discussion. It seems that reconciliation means different things to different people. For some, it is absolution and for others acceptance. I am not personally responsible for wrongs that someone else commits but I am responsible for the role that I play in perpetuating my own or anyone else's suffering.
I will keep Materfamilias' post Perplexed in my heart and mind because it is a combination of doubt and belief that causes me discomfort right now.