|Learning to be grey|
I have spent quite a lot of time this week sorting and decluttering in the apartment. There are a lot of books that I can pass along to others and my storage areas are becoming less cramped. Clothing is a problem but January has been "buy nothing" month. I will wait for more weight-loss and to see how my grey grows in before I purchase anything.
I really respect women who have the strength to make significant changes in their lives. Overwhelmed by obligations and ignoring my inner voice, I have made compromises that have caused me unhappiness. In my case, food and wine have filled the void left by an empty marriage. The ever earnest me believes that if I try harder, look prettier, am more understanding, my husband will act differently. He won't!
Last night, I went to a night club to listen to his band. I am the least noisy night club woman you would ever want to meet. At almost 62, I felt ridiculous and uncomfortable sitting alone in a club as my husband played music. Today, he has spent 7 or 8 hours with a woman singing, recording or something… Despite my unhappiness, my husband will continue to do as he pleases.
I am spending my time creating a stronger me who can choose happiness. I don't want to take antidepressants for the rest of my life or live with a bottle of pinot grigio as my evening companion.
I am a strong woman who needs to gather all of her resources. I don't know where the journey will take me and perhaps that is why right now I am also looking to a faith group for support.